Grumpy old lady

I am a grumpy old lady. I was reminded again today of how much I don't like change. I think I just get too comfortable with routine and when that routine is changed up, it sends me spiraling downward. I started a new job today. It's not the same. It isn't the same beautiful drive downtown at my own pace, it's a drive in heavy traffic and construction. It isn't the same lunch, it's a 'get in your car and drive to a drive-thru instead of walking along the brick sidewalks of downtown' lunch. It isn't the same people, it's people that don't know me or my story.

I think one reason why I hadn't posted in so long is because I got into a routine of being at home and being comfortable, surrounded by happy pictures and happy memories of my girlies. And today, during that awful drive, a lot of negative feelings came back.

In the first two hours of my new job I was asked if I had any kids. Before I got to work I told myself that I wouldn't bring up anything about the girls for a while because I wanted my co-workers to get to know me first. When I was asked, I just kind of shrugged on the outside. On the inside, I was having a full-blown panic attack. How disrespectful of me to not answer that...to the person asking, but most importantly, to my girls. I just froze and didn't know what to say. My face got hot, my palms got sweaty and all the air escaped my lungs. I just wish I knew what to say to people. I feel like when I answer that question, all I do is bring people down...but if they had only known my girls and what amazing, sweet babies they were, it wouldn't be so sad.

So, I guess the question is, what's the best way to answer such a difficult question???

Merry Christmas Sweet Girlies!

I'm pretty positive I've posted this picture before but, I just love it. 3 little baby Santa's, this picture makes me melt! "Nate and his girlfriends!" We had so much fun last year posing you in your little Santa hats, this Christmas won't be the same without you two.Miss you lots and love you bunches.

~Auntie Jess~